Chances

All my life I’ve always been scared of taking chances, especially when it came to me having a crush on somebody. When it came to the people I have had a crush on when I was younger, it was good that I didn’t end up dating them. Then again I was in elementary school and I was just starting to figure out myself. At that time though I began putting up my emotional wall.

Before I put up my wall, I was adventurous and I was a happy-go-lucky little girl. When I had a crush, I was always shy and to this day I still am but that’s beside the point. I started having butterflies for a certain someone I’d refer my best friend at that time if they could ask my crush if they liked me. That’s where it began with the breaking down of my self-confidence.

As I watched my best friend and my crush at the time, I was getting nervous and hoped my crush liked me back and we’d run off into the sunset together. Well, it didn’t really go that way. What hurt more than my crush not liking me back was that my crush did not only say no but he said “Ew no!”.

I started feeling a bit more self-conscious and one brick for my emotional wall was formed. I cried for a small time and thought little of myself. Then I began to develop another crush on another boy in my time at my elementary school. I thought maybe he was different and he seemed nicer and I was wrong. Basic same reaction and it was at the lunch table and all the kids at the table laughed.

Then began the bullying up til middle school but that’s another time but my point is I never liked the thought of taking a chance. I was always scared of getting hurt because in my past taking a chance led me to nothing but heartache. As a matter of fact, I actually think I missed my when I was in high school and to this day I think of what-could-have-been.

The only positive thing from the present is that my emotional wall is crumbling down. Emphasis on the word slowly but it is still something I need to do on my own. My wall will eventually come down and maybe someday I’ll be able to be more confident. Maybe even achieve this one thing that may appear small to others but is big to me. Something as simple as telling a crush I like them.